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Approve of Yourself
Don't expect people to understand.Many times the people closest to us,
who we wish understood us best, don’t. Give up your need for
validation.Let go of wanting other people’s approval or sanction for
what you are trying to do.
If
you know you need a nap, take one.You don’t need anyone’s approval.Live
your life on your own terms.If you know a particular food aggravates a
condition, don’t eat it.
Doing things his own way is slowly
transforming Todd’s life. Todd is a 48 year old single male. He lives
in a nursing home due to a severe head injury. Todd also has severe
chronic pain due to GERD. Todd was spending most of his time in bed.
He
had been hospitalized multiple times for extensive testing and the
doctors repeatedly told him the pain was “primarily psychological.” His
pain medicine and anti-depressants were constantly adjusted and
changed, without good results. Todd told everyone he felt “dismal.”
His
family bought him a new computer to distract him... It sat unused. The
nurses told him he should go to activities. Nothing interested him. I
started seeing Todd for counseling as a last resort. No one believed it
would help. Todd frequently complained to me that no one understood or
believed him. I validated his feelings and reinforced his ability to be
understanding to himself. I encouraged him to decide for himself how to
approach his situation.
Todd started his own exercise routine in
bed. He is very disciplined about doing it twice a day. Todd set a goal
of being able to walk in two years. (His leg muscles atrophied from not
using them and damage from his injuries.) Now when I talk with Todd, he
sits up and smiles. He goes outside on nice days. He is more positive.
Todd
took responsibility to do what he felt was best. He still has chronic
pain, he still lives in a nursing home and others still don’t believe
him. But now, Todd believes in himself.
Take responsibility for
your life and your health.Do what you believe is the best to take care
of yourself.Don’t expect people to understand.Be understanding to
yourself.
Clearly define what decisions are appropriate for you
to make on your own.Don’t feel compelled to tackle them all at once; go
at your own pace, even if that pace is tackling one boundary, person or
issue at a time.If the person pushes and you feel they are not
respecting your boundaries or response, stay strong and clear in
enforcing them. It’s easy for boundaries to become blurry when you
aren’t sure where you stand. The more clear you are in your own mind
the more clearly you can communicate and enforce your own decisions.
The more you set and enforce appropriate boundaries, the more self confident you become. Practice makes it easier each time.
And
remember, families often have difficulty respecting boundaries. It can
seem obvious to them that you have self-defeating behavior that
aggravates your pain or options that you could choose to improve your
situation. It can be painful for them to watch you make poor decisions,
but that’s how we learn and grow. If they push their opinions, it
frequently creates barriers.
Article Source: MxGet Article Directory
Author's Bio
Rebecca Rengo is author of Beyond Chronic Pain: A get-well guidebook to soothe the body, mind & spirit. She has been a Pain Relief Coach, Author, Speaker , Psychotherapist and Educator for over 25 years. She has presented internationally and been featured on television and radio and in publications. Rebecca is current president of the Missouri Pain Initiative and on adjunct faculty at Washington University. For more information visit: http://www.painreliefexplained.com or http://www.beyondchronicpain.com
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