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The Hilarious Madness Of Steven Wright
If you have seen one comedian, you have often seen many since they tend to borrow the same jokes from each other. When it comes to the great Steven Wright, however, everything is unique, bizarre and utterly hilarious.
If you are not familiar with Steven Wright, it is hard to know where to start. He has a huge head of frilly hair but is going bald on top. He speaks in a monotone voice, but has perfect delivery. Here are some of his choice sayings.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Smoking cures weight problems...eventually
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, "Here, you can go."
What's another word for Thesaurus?
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Article Source: MxGet Article Directory
Author's Bio
Aazdak Alisimo writes for FunnyQuotesDaily.com, where you can get free funny quotes updated each and every day of the year.
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